Could the end be near? Doggie heaven...

Truthfully, I didn't even like writing that title, but I'm hoping that by writing it and giving this distinct possibility an airing on here I can start to accept it. I could barely get Sammie to eat little bits of a yummy treat out of my hand a few minutes ago. Maybe this will pass by tonight or tomorrow morning. That's happened before.

It has been stormy here the past couple of days and Sammie has never liked storms. We've had to give her (& Pepper) some "doggie downers" to help them through all the thunder and lightning. Sometimes storms and the drugs keep them from eating as much temporarily. Could that be it? Or am I just doing some wishful thinking that my Sammie isn't really on a path to euthanasia or dying in her sleep right here?

One thing is for sure - I'm bawling again like I did back in November when I got the cancer diagnosis for her. She has done remarkably well since then and I've let it fool me into believing that maybe the diagnosis wasn't quite right or perhaps it wasn't as bad as the vet tech said it was. Maybe...perhaps...is it possible? Is she really going to die? Not MY SAMMIE! Of course, she will at some point. I've always known that. But we don't talk much about death in our culture and we fight it tooth and nail with anti-aging products and age-defying (okay, more age-denying really) techniques and talk. But we all die eventually. It's part of the Circle of Life.

I believe dogs go to heaven. How could it be heaven if they don't?! I love that poem I've seen before that talks of a dog owner (doggie parent!) who meets up again with their beloved canine companion in heaven after their own death and what a joyful reunion it is when their wonderful dog is as active and happy as a puppy again! The poem speaks of the dog coming up to its master with a wagging tail and a knowing lick.

Okay, I have so many tears streaming down my face now that I can't see to write. I have to stop for now. Don't tell me Sammie is "just a dog." She's my FIRST dog - my first kid, if you will. And she's old & sick. I love her and I'm going to go hug her right now.