Another hound dog!

Ahhh - How nice it is to have another hound dog dedicated to the fine art of finding and consuming every single crumb in the house. Now, Clay is still a puppy at the moment, so he is also sniffing out and finding other less desirable targets of his mouth such as the carpet, Munchkin's Dora nightgown, books, etc...but his sense of smell already reminds me of Sammie's. He's committed. In one day, he determined that the perimeter around Munchkin's chair at the dinner table was good hunting ground for morsels and he has revisited this fertile space regularly ever since.

Puppy training can be draining, but it is necessary to have a happy puppy who is truly part of our "pack." It's really fun too - at least for someone like me who enjoys watching true behavioral psychology in action! It has been 10 years since I really trained a puppy. I've helped others, but not been the "primary" trainer in a decade. Thankfully, I found an "Everything Puppy" book on sale at Borders for $4 and wisely bought that with a Christmas gift card in need of usage. Good resource to have. For example, I'm the only human home right now and really can't type this AND keep a watchful eye on a curious puppy, so he is tethered to my ankle and sleeping at my feet.

This is Day 4 of Clay being part of our family. Thanks to dedicated "go potty" outings at prescribed times (immediately after eating or drinking much), he has not pooped inside our house since the day he came home with us! Since he had diarrhea most of Day 2, we are extremely thankful for this trend!! He is doing well with learning "bed," "crate," "out," "sit," "come," "fetch," and of course "NO!" Lots and lots of specific praise! Even Munchkin is mastering the art of noticing when he happens to sit or lay down or lay on a doggie bed or go in the crate and praise him heartily - "Good sit, Clay!!"

He seems to be quite trainable so far and not nearly as pesky as Pepper was as a puppy or as destructive as Sammie was. Mind you, I realize that most of that is probably because I know so much more about how to treat and train a dog than Jason and I did when we got Sammie as a puppy and left her -sans crate - in our apt kitchen to devour the bottoms of our cabinets and attempt to break out through the wall to the outside. :-(

Pepper is holding her own. She's still not quite sure what to do with this bundle of energy. After all, the last months of Sammie's life were the exact opposite as she slowed down with age and cancer. At times, Pepper grins from ear to ear and yaps excitedly at the new puppy, ready to play. At other times, she growls fiercely at him for daring to invade her space. He's learning so much so quickly from ALL of us. He's a mess! He's a joy! He's a puppy! (Anyone else hearing refrains of "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" :-)

Search is over

We are a two dog family again tonight. Sammie must be smiling down on us from Doggie Heaven. Our whole family (Andy, Munchkin, Pepper and I) went over to Operation Kindness in Carrollton, TX today to "interview" three puppy candidates I selected yesterday in a solo trip.

The chosen pup was called Pride at the shelter, but we have dubbed him Clay! He's a three month old brown and white "hound mix." They expect he'll be 40-60 lbs full-grown. He is already neutered, microchipped and up to date on vaccinations. Munchkin and Andy gave him his first bath at our home today. He is eating and drinking well and making himself very much at home. Our existing rather large supply of dog toys got some serious action today!

Clay has christened the carpet and tile several times already, of course. I had forgotten just how badly puppy poop stinks! Egads!! Puppy training has commenced. Clay and Pepper are sharing a crate to sleep in tonight. So far only once have we heard any noise. Amazing. Wonder how long that will last?

Munchkin and Pepper - New Puppy??

Munchkin has not given up - in fact she has redoubled her efforts in her campaign for us to get a new puppy NOW - TODAY- TONIGHT - IMMEDIATELY. She does not want to wait. She is four. Sometimes VERY four.

Pepper is lonely. She doesn't touch her food all day long until I'm home again at night and then she'll eat "breakfast" at suppertime or later. I'm not giving her supper when she does this, hoping it will get her back on her usual twice daily feeding schedule, but it's been 10 days now since Sammie died and so far this has been fairly constant.

Pepper has to be cajoled to go outside. Basically we have to go out there with her. This is a ten-year-old dog, mind you, not a puppy learning the ropes. Pepper has not had a single accident since Sammie's death, but she doesn't want to be alone anymore than absolutely necessary & that means no solo trips out back. God bless neighbor dogs and dogs we meet on walks. She needs a regular canine companion. She has always had one. She always had Sammie...

So I'm searching Petfinder.com and asking others to do so as well. Or, if you're here in the DFW area, let me know of good animal shelters and rescue organizations you think I should look into in the search. An "Everything Puppies" book was on sale at Borders today where I went to use up a gift card from Christmas so I got it. Maybe we can read some in it to hold off Munchkin a bit while we do a full search for our new furry family member.

If you're game for helping in the search, enter the following info at Petfinder.com and go from there: Dog, baby, medium or large, female, and most importantly zipcode 76021. We live in a large metropolitan area here in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, so there is no need to adopt outside of north Texas. There are way too many needy pups right here! Please note that any dog we get must not be averse to living with another dog and young children.

Also, I have a distinct preference for medium to large-sized hound, shepherd, working, sporting dogs - pointers, labs, retrievers, 'hounds. You get the picture. Poodles, pomeranians, pitt bull terriers, and pampered pooches that require regular grooming & favor ear bows need not apply.

All help greatly appreciated.

Training Andy

Any dog trainer worth having will inform you that it is not really the dog who gets trained, but rather the owner/master. One brochure I found when Sammie was a puppy and Jason and I were learning how to be dog parents explained that to not train a dog to house rules is akin to abuse!

As I understand it, dogs are fine with whatever position they have in "the pack," but they desperately need to know what that is and the sooner, the better. And they need to know where all the humans in their lives fit into the pack too (i.e. It's vital that even the youngest child be perceived as more alpha than the oldest dog for obvious safety reasons.)

Sammie wasn't so sure she was ready to let Andy be alpha over her and I'm not sure he was all that ready to assume such responsibility either. It takes time. Sammie was, shall we say, strong-willed and quite independent, but also very loyal and obedient to me. Sammie and I had already had three years together in North Carolina prior to the move to Texas. We were bonded really well after two years of MBA school together. Bonding for life happens in survival mode and I lived in that mode for much of my grad school experience.

But then along came Pepper, a lively puppy with shepherding dog traits that showed up periodically, resulting in the need for all animals and people in the apartment to go outside together - rounded up as a herd. It's easier to get puppies in their respective positions in the pack. They know they have to follow. Sammie trained Pepper well. It wore her out to do so at first, but she did it with aplomb. They both trained Andy. It wore him out at first too!

One of my favorite stories during this time was when Andy took both dogs outside to "do their business." He came in quite frustrated and a bit angry and told me in all seriousness that "They would NOT stay on their sides!" By this he meant that Sammie and Puppy Pepper entwined their leashes and ran around him rather than walking calmly as two adult humans might on either side of him.

I did not win any points with my future husband by my response. I laughed really, really hard, probably until I cried or honked. When I realized Andy was totally 100% surprised by this doggie behavior, I laughed some more. Andy was not amused. At all. But later he was. He's good like that. He has a much better sense of humor than I do and has trained me greatly in this regard - thankfully! When he accepted that this was predictable canine behavior, especially from a puppy, then he was adamant on expressing his need to know how to prevent such aggravating behavior from the two of them. I'm not sure he took the two of them out by himself ever again, actually. Problem solved. It's a skill, I realize, to move two leashes around over your head and through your legs and exchange them between hands, etc. But it was the easiest way to deal with our doggie duo in those early months.

One thing Andy was impressively adept at handling was the first really nasty puppy mess. We arrived at my apt one day to a horrendous odor. Sammie had been left out of the crate since she was long-since housebroken and Pepper was left in the crate since she was not. We searched the apt looking for the mess, sure that Sammie had gotten ill and been unable to control herself since we KNEW dogs rarely mess up their crates. Finally, we came to the terrible realization that the stench was emanating from the crate. There we found Pepper covered in her own excrement & looking clearly unhappy about it. Further examination showed said puppy poop to be spread around the entire crate top to bottom with nary a spot untouched.

Andy and I looked at each other and no doubt had a few choice words on the situation and then we went into action. "Dog or crate?" I asked him. He chose the non-moving filth and we split up to conquer the mess. This, as it turned out, would be a great predictor of our ability to work well as a team. Now I knew I had a soulmate and a teammate in doggie parenting. Go Andy!

The Making of a Great Doggie Daddy

Happy Father's Day to all you men out there who are fathers of human children or furry children or are uncles, brothers, friends! My husband Andy has been a fantastic father of three - two dogters and one daughter. However, in all fairness, he had to grow into the Doggie Daddy role. I hope I don't get myself into too much trouble writing this, but it's Father's Day and some fatherly stories are in order.

For starters, Andy did not grow up with a dog and was not necessarily "dog friendly" when we met. After coming to my apartment several times as friends and then as my boyfriend, Andy was still largely avoiding and ignoring Sammie. (Back then Pepper had yet to be born, much less adopted by us.) Finally one day I made the statement that I hoped Andy realized that Sammie and I were "a package deal" and he might want to consider getting to know her a bit better...

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but appropriate motivation should get credit for something! There was quite a bit for him to learn about dogs and Sammie in particular. For example, it's hard to explain to the uninitiated that rawhide sitting in plain view of everyone is "hidden" and should not be looked at, much less touched, by us humans if we don't want a major re-hiding ritual to commence. Then there's learning to take the dog outside regularly and provide food and water and training. There are vet visits and anti-heartworm/fleas/ticks/parasites pills, rabies (& a multitude of other) vaccinations &, in Sammie's case, bandannas to wear & doggie downers for bad storms. It could overwhelm anyone, but less so the truly motivated. Andy learned a lot and he and Sammie developed a relationship. That made me happy.

In all honesty, though, Andy's true conversion to Doggie Daddyhood came when we adopted Puppy Pepper from a rescue organization. I watched Andy's transformation from relatively uninterested to truly engaged as we walked through PetSmart with our new puppy and found everything she would need. "Does she need this? What about this? Would she like this? What kind of food should she eat? Toys? Treats? Bed? Chew toys?" I'm sure I smiled from ear to ear through the entire store. Sold! I had a viable soulmate now. Andy "got" dogs. :-)

Can we get another dog tomorrow?!

My dear daughter "Munchkin" has regularly requested since Sammie's death that we go find another dog "to be here with us all the time." A minute ago she said: "Can we get a new dog TOMORROW?! A dog we can train, that will live with us. I'll feed it!"

Our neighbor dog Selena is visiting with Pepper this afternoon. It's good for both of them, I think, but Munchkin knows Selena will return home. She's just a visitor. Selena, a Rottie mix, lost her older sister Sadie a couple of months ago so she has been through what poor Pepper is experiencing now. Pepper and Selena have had their fun in the VERY HOT sun and are both inside on the cool tile panting, relaxing, and hoping to get some of Munchkin's snack!

Pepper, by the way, is a black lab/border collie/blue heeler mix who weighs in just under 70 lbs. Her mommy was found dumped pregnant on the side of the road. We got her from a rescue organization when she was still a pup. Sammie ultimately chose her, you may recall, from an earlier blog entry.

So, back to adopting a new doggie. Yes, adopting. We won't be buying a dog. In fact, I've decided I prefer the unique characteristics of mixed breeds over the relatively predictable looks of pure breds, so I doubt we'll be adopting a rescued pure bred dog either. Funny, huh? Not that I don't have preferred breeds. I do. Very much so. In dog show parlance, I'm strictly a working or sporting dog person. "Real" dogs as I call them. Dogs that don't need haircuts and prefer bandannas to bows. Dogs that know they are dogs and don't mistake themselves for cats (think Odie rather than Garfield personality).

Please don't write and harass me that your Papillon or Chihuahua or Scottie is the best thing ever. Of course they are to YOU. That's why you got them. But I like hound dogs. Retrievers. Dogs whose ancestors rounded up other animals or helped hunt. Dogs you'd pay to see run fast or do incredible agility exercises. Dogs from breeds that train to serve as guide dogs, police dogs, rescue dogs ... Those kinds of dogs. Dogs like Pepper. Dogs like Sammie...

Munchkin gets it

Well, it's been two days since Sammie died now and, amazingly to me, four-year-old Munchkin seems to really get it. She has told multiple people that Sammie died and that we won't see her again until we die. She has told me that she knows I'm sad and miss Sammie and she does too, but that she knows Sammie was "your very special dog."

She hasn't asked where Sammie is at all. She seems to know & understand. We avoided euphemisms and evasions of the truth with her and we allowed her to be there as Sammie died. She asked to be there and so we all went together. As with all decisions as a parent, I questioned whether this was the right way to do it or not, but I think this was the right way for her. Each child is different and, goodness knows, so are we parents!

To tell her Sammie was going to sleep or moving to a farm or any of the many other stories we know of dear friends telling their children about pets that disappear just would not have worked with her. I'm glad she is accepting this situation and dealing with her emotions openly.

She wants another dog to keep Pepper company and so we can be a two dog household again. She's very clear on this point. God bless her.

Pepper

Sadly, Sammie is gone from our home and reserved for our fond memories. Pepper, however, is very much still with us at the ripe old age of 10.

Pepper is sad. She misses Sammie too. Samantha raised her from the time she was 3 months old. They have always been together. They had vet appts together; slept on overlapping beds; shared water and food bowls; went outside as a team. They fought sometimes, but rarely was it serious and it was ALWAYS about table scraps or the prized doggie bed location.

I think Pepper may be behaving really, really well hoping Sammie will come back or perhaps fearing she could disappear as well. Every time I turn around, Pepper has crated herself again. And she hasn't touched her breakfast. Which is very NOT Pepper.

Sammie never ate more than she needed to maintain her sleek, svelte self at 40-42 lbs... and then there was (and still is, thankfully!) Pepper... We nicknamed Pepper "Chunky Puppy" when she was about 8-9 months old and we realized she really did not need the puppy food anymore since bulking up was clearly not a problem for her. If it's there and Sammie cleared it as edible, Pepper will eat it - all of it - and very quickly if you let her!

We instituted a "Sammie must eat first" rule around here which Pepper obeyed well (okay, occasionally we had to remind her that Sammie hadn't eaten yet and then she'd move away and let Sam eat). This was to enforce some dietary restrictions on Pepper. Part of me thinks she is still waiting for Sammie to eat first before eating. No worries though. Pepper can spare a few pounds. The vet would be delighted for her to lose a few actually.

Sammie trained Pepper and it will be interesting to watch Pepper get a chance to train another pup when we rescue one. Andy told me last night that he sees no point in trying to talk Munchkin and me out of this. There are many dogs in need of good homes and we have one. We also have a dog in need of a new canine companion. Two dogs are easier (not cheaper, but easier) than one.

Sammie, the trainer & the therapy dog

Sammie trained a lot of puppies, including Pepper. She helped train some neighborhood puppies - she could always be counted on to do well with that, even as she got old. When we got Pepper as a 3 month old puppy, the lady from the rescue organization told us to stick her right into the same crate with Sammie and Sammie would teach her the rules. Thankfully, the lady also told us that it would sound like they were killing each other, but they wouldn't. She was right. Sammie trained Pepper better than we did and faster!

Sammie was also a wonderful "therapy dog" for senior citizens and children alike. When I was in grad school, she went 1-2 times a week to an adult day care center and let all the people pet her and give her treats. If she couldn't take the treat without touching their hands, she patiently sat back down. They were impressed.

Sammie made several trips to Munchkin's preschool as well and kindly allowed a bunch of squealing kids to love all over her in several rooms. She got to do this a couple of times in recent years.

What can I say? Even as she could barely walk these last few days & she couldn't eat, Sammie still was my obedient, well-trained dog - a true "first dog," I guess! LOL. She pulled herself to her feet and walked outside to "do her business" even this morning before we went to the vet. It was slow and unsteady and sad to watch, but she maintained that last bit of her independence and, frankly, stubbornness to the end. Good for her!

Her whole life...

After Sammie died this morning, Munchkin talked to her for a few more minutes, telling her how she'll miss her and how much she loves her. Before it was all said and done, we'd all cried at least a little (I got choked up as I sang), even the seasoned veterinarian. I asked him if it always gets to him and he said "No. But sometimes when you can see a pet has been well-loved and well-cared for their whole life..." I was honored.

Munchkin has told everyone today that she knew Sammie: "My WHOLE LIFE." This is true - all four sweet, precious years of her life thus far, Munchkin has had Sammie. So has Pepper for all 10 years of her life. But I knew Sammie the longest, even though it was only a third of my life so far ;-).

You know, I've called this blog "Watching my first dog age", but actually Sammie was my DH Andy's first dog too. She broke him in as she did me, my brother, our mother... Thank you, Sammie, for being a wonderful first dog. You are missed already.

She's gone

We went as a family to the vet's office this morning and had Sammie euthanized. I sang Hymn of Promise to her and for us all. We made a paw print memorial stone before we went and took one last photo of the five of us. I cried & cried some more. Munchkin noted it was the first time she'd seen me cry. We're home again now - Munchkin and I & Pepper. Poor Pepper. She looks a bit lost and stressed. More later.

Found the poem! Here it is

Fellow Dog Lovers-
I read this poem years ago and couldn't remember what it was called, but knew I'd know it when I found it. Sure enough - here it is:

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
and pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this--the last battle--can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer, so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me til the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close--we two--these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-Author Unknown

Now we just choose a day & time; how to comment

"Timing is everything," right? Maybe not. Maybe just making the right choices is everything and timing is just a variable. We've made the right choice. It's time to let Sammie move on and die in peace with dignity and as little pain and suffering as possible. We (okay, namely I) don't have the right to force her to endure a drawn-out, pitiful existence in the sunset of her life.

And I won't. Andy won't let me. God bless him. But he and Munchkin will go with me to the vet's office to say our final goodbyes and hold our sweet "puppy" as she slips and sleeps away. I can do this. I must do this. I will do this. It's the right thing to do.

I'm not sure, but I think we'll go tomorrow. At least one of us has evening commitments Wed, Thurs and Fri nights and Pepper will not need to be left alone that first evening. We're supposed to be somewhere tomorrow night too - busy week for us! - but we're about to bail on that. Priorities. Death in the family is a priority and Sammie & Pepper are family. We have to do what's right for both of them and us too. Pepper's whole life has been with Sammie. She deserves consideration as well.

Here's the link to the blog post where I explain how to comment on the blog:
http://agingdoggie.blogspot.com/2009/06/how-to-comment-post.html

New meaning to a favorite hymn

Natalie Sleeth wrote a beautiful hymn in 1986 (per the United Methodist hymnal) that is one of my favorites. It is called "Hymn of Promise." The final two of three verses go like this:
There's a song in every silence,
seeking word and melody;
there's a dawn in every darkness,
bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future;
what it holds, a mystery,
unrevealed until its season,
something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning;
in our time, infinity;
in our doubt there is believing;
in our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection;
at the last, a victory,
unrevealed until its season,
something God alone can see.

Our church requests favorite hymns from the congregation and we sing the most voted-upon "favorite hymns" each July. A couple of weeks ago before Sammie got so bad, I listed this wonderful hymn on the request card. Now, I realize it's unlikely to get more votes than "Amazing Grace" or "Great is Thy Faithfulness." In fact, we may well not be singing it in July, but if not it won't be for lack of votes from yours truly!

God works in such marvelous and mysterious ways. That hymn has been in my brain all morning and I've been humming and then singing the first verse - the one I have memorized. So I finally opened my purple hymnal Andy's brother Ben gave me several Christmases ago and noticed the 2nd and 3rd verses as written above. It seems those were the ones I needed the most right now.

God is great - All the time!

Doggie friends and goodbye visits

Sammie has been blessed with several good doggie friends through her lifetime. As mentioned in an earlier post, there's "Uncle" Max, my mom's dog. There's also Eme, my dad and his wife's dog. And, of course, Pepper. Pepper was Sammie's puppy to raise and she did a great job at it. Pepper outgrew Sammie a long time ago and has been roughly twice her size for quite some time, but until very recently, Sammie was still the alpha dog outside while Pepper had taken over that role inside. It worked for them.

Dutch was one of Samantha's best buddies during my two years in grad school in Chapel Hill. She had other great canine buddies those two years too, including Biscayne, Brady and Buddy. Our apt was dog central - we dogsat constantly for other folks in the apt complex and they kept Sammie when I went off on job interviews. During those two years, Sammie even had a birthday party complete with homemade dog biscuits and party hats (plastic cowboy hats the dogs fought hard to get off) to celebrate her second birthday! The photos are priceless - trying to line up several dogs for a photo op...

To say Sammie was my first baby would be accurate. She and I even posed together in Santa hats for a Christmas photo one year that I sent out with my Christmas cards. Sammie and I spent lots of time together those two years. They were challenging ones for me in many ways and she was my loyal, loving companion, my source of unconditional love & humor every day. It was during those two years that I learned how high Sammie could jump. We were walking one day when she just decided to jump sideways onto a wall that was about 6-7 feet tall. She liked it and did it again and again and ...

In Texas, Sammie's best friends have been George, Selena, Sadie, Alex, Rocky & Rambo. Sammie and Pepper have gotten along with pretty much every dog they've ever met, except for Ebony, but none of the dogs on the block get along with Ebony. We call our backyard Switzerland since Sam & Pepper get along with Selena on one side and Alex on the other, but those two do not get along with each other.

Anyway, several of Sammie's dear canine buddies have already gone to Doggie Heaven - Eme, Dutch, George & Sadie that I know of. My grandmother that DD Munchkin is named after is there as well. Sammie will be well-greeted when she arrives, I'm sure.

Selena came over to say hi and probably goodbye this evening. I'll try to get Alex over to do the same tomorrow. It's looking like someday this week will be Sammie's last unless she starts eating again. I'll call the vet's office tomorrow and go from there.

How to comment/ post

So it seems there are some of you out there reading my blog and thinking you've commented or else getting frustrated at not being able to do so. Here's what you need to do if you wish to comment:
1. Become a "follower" of this blog. To do this, you just click on that button on the top left that reads "Follow."
2. Once you click on that, you'll get a few options including Google, AIM and Yahoo, I believe. You can select one of those and quickly register with them or sign in if you already belong to one. I chose to register on Google.
3. Once you have done these two simple, quick steps, you should be able to type into a comment box, choose whichever (Google, AIM...) option you selected and submit comments to the blog.
4. Andy reminds me that you cannot access a comment box to write in unless you click on the title of one of the blog posts.

I hope to hear from some of you. Thanks for the support
Jerrilyn

Anyone reading this? My DD seems to get it.

Thanks so much to all of you who have sent me emails or messages or posted comments on Facebook about losing your own dogs through the years. Your words of understanding, empathy and encouragement are very, very welcomed and needed. I'd love it if someone other than my wonderful husband would become a blog follower and post comments here too. I feel so lonely each time I come to blog and see no comments and no followers. Is anyone reading this?

My darling, precocious four-year-old daughter I'm going to refer to as Munchkin is showing more understanding and acceptance and even empathy for me in this situation than I would have ever expected or hoped for. Yes, I know she is a preschooler and may well become confused again about what is going on after Sammie dies. However, in the meantime, she has spontaneously comforted me more than once! I am trying extremely hard not to cry around her and certainly not to have one of my red-eyed, all out bawling spells in her presence. So far, so good. But she knows. She knows I am sad and she knows why.

When we got home and I saw that Sammie had not eaten and I tried to encourage Sammie to walk over to at least drink some water after going outside in the extreme Texas heat, Munchkin calmly said: "Mommy, Sammie's lying down here and she's got her tongue out of her mouth. I think you need to bring the water bowl to her." A little later, my DD commented softly: "I'm sorry Sammie's going to die, Mommy. Then we'll be like Rachelle (our next door neighbor who has lost one of her two dogs recently) and only have one dog."

We have discussed going to an animal shelter and rescuing another dog to keep Pepper company when Sammie dies. We'll get to that when the time comes. For now, my energies, thoughts, feelings, memories, prayers, and time are spent on and with my beloved Sammie.

She didn't eat the yummy canned food.

We came home from church & lunch to find out that Sammie may now have some urinary incontinence and she did not eat the yummy canned food she normally wolfs down. I'm really, really bummed about this.

Pepper was all too happy to eat all the canned food as well as the regular dry food once we freed her from the crate to do so. Pepper has no incontinence problems - she just LIKES to poop in the dining room from time to time, so she gets crated when we're gone most of the time. This also allows Sammie to eat slowly as she always has done and in peace before "Chunky Puppy" Pepper inhales the rest of the food. A typical vet visit these past 10 years with those two has included a report card saying Sammie needs to gain weight and Pepper needs to lose it!

Less than two weeks ago, I was happily telling the vet folks how Sammie was still eating well and getting around okay and seemed remarkably well given her age and the diagnosis of cancer she received back in November. She had already survived longer than we thought she might upon that diagnosis.

The only real comforts I have now are that Sammie is still able to get up and walk around slowly & tentatively & a bit unsteadily on her own and she seems to be resting comfortably. We do not see or hear any signs of distress or pain. I'm preparing myself for the fact that she may just drift away as she dozes. More likely, I realize through tears, we will have to make the painful, awful decision to "put her down." Time for another crying break. I haven't cried this much since my parents split up nearly 23 years ago. Sammie and I have been through a lot together. It's like watching a part of me fade slowly away...

I'm encouraged this evening - Will I know if it's time?

You know those stories about how people sometimes rally right before they die & experience lucidity & energy they've lacked for awhile? I wonder if pets do that sometimes too.

Whether it's that or Sammie is just feeling a little better tonight, it was wonderful to see her eat and drink some. My DD was able to get her to eat several treats this evening. DD was very pleased and excited at her progress in this regard and so was I. I'll try to give her canned food in the morning and she if she'll take that.

Sammie, having been abused as a puppy before I got her, has never been a complainer. If she ever whines at all, I feel horrible since I know she must be in terrible discomfort. She barely reacts if I accidentally clip her nails too far or step on her. So, I worry a little bit that I won't know if she is in pain - if it is time to be the humane doggie mom I've always promised myself and her I will be. I include this concern in my daily prayers now. God knows all & I have to trust that God will allow Sammie to let me know when I have to let her go.

A spark of hope

I got Sammie to eat a couple of treats from my hand, but obviously that isn't much. I've pulled myself together at this point. I know Andy and I will need to explain things to Morrow soon. Sammie was able to get to her feet without help and slowly make her way obediently outside to do her business.

She's a good dog. Very obedient. Knows and follows several commands. One major exception to this is that she has never been able to go outside off leash. She can't help herself - she follows her nose or her eyes after birds or whatever the wind brings to her attention. If she is part beagle and/or greyhound, this would fit. Some breeds don't train well for off-leash activities. She never has.

Sammie is outside, hopefully enjoying the sun. She's a sunbather. Pepper is not. As a puppy, Pepper would walk around outside in Sammie's shadow! It was cute. Now Pepper is roughly twice Sammie's weight, so that doesn't work anymore and hasn't for years. Sammie, on the other hand, usually smiles for the sun and wiggles around on her back enjoying every minute of it. I'd best check on her.

Could the end be near? Doggie heaven...

Truthfully, I didn't even like writing that title, but I'm hoping that by writing it and giving this distinct possibility an airing on here I can start to accept it. I could barely get Sammie to eat little bits of a yummy treat out of my hand a few minutes ago. Maybe this will pass by tonight or tomorrow morning. That's happened before.

It has been stormy here the past couple of days and Sammie has never liked storms. We've had to give her (& Pepper) some "doggie downers" to help them through all the thunder and lightning. Sometimes storms and the drugs keep them from eating as much temporarily. Could that be it? Or am I just doing some wishful thinking that my Sammie isn't really on a path to euthanasia or dying in her sleep right here?

One thing is for sure - I'm bawling again like I did back in November when I got the cancer diagnosis for her. She has done remarkably well since then and I've let it fool me into believing that maybe the diagnosis wasn't quite right or perhaps it wasn't as bad as the vet tech said it was. Maybe...perhaps...is it possible? Is she really going to die? Not MY SAMMIE! Of course, she will at some point. I've always known that. But we don't talk much about death in our culture and we fight it tooth and nail with anti-aging products and age-defying (okay, more age-denying really) techniques and talk. But we all die eventually. It's part of the Circle of Life.

I believe dogs go to heaven. How could it be heaven if they don't?! I love that poem I've seen before that talks of a dog owner (doggie parent!) who meets up again with their beloved canine companion in heaven after their own death and what a joyful reunion it is when their wonderful dog is as active and happy as a puppy again! The poem speaks of the dog coming up to its master with a wagging tail and a knowing lick.

Okay, I have so many tears streaming down my face now that I can't see to write. I have to stop for now. Don't tell me Sammie is "just a dog." She's my FIRST dog - my first kid, if you will. And she's old & sick. I love her and I'm going to go hug her right now.

Not eating a treat? Vet visit last week

Let me pause from my trip down memory lane to Sammie's puppyhood and the arrival of "uncle Max." (My mom basically considers Max my brother's and my canine sibling, so that makes him Sammie's uncle, right?)

This morning, Sammie didn't accept a treat. We're not talking about her usual dog food here, but a DOGGIE TREAT. These are usually fought for, if necessary, with adopted canine sister Pepper and most certainly welcomed with open, drooling mouth. Not this morning. This makes me sad. And concerned. This is not normal, not even for aging Sammie.

Sam & Pepper had their semi-annual "senior visits" to the vet last week. That's when I got the firm evidence that our observations were correct. Sammie, who has always been very slim to start with, has lost 20% of her body weight. This is not good. She has maintained her weight steadily at 40-42 lbs her entire adult life. No amount of treats, canned food, available-24-hrs-a-day regular food or even people food could make this dog weigh more than 42 lbs. That was her weight and she maintained it faithfully for the past 13 years. Until now.

We (meaning our family & the vet) don't know if the weight loss is due to the cancer or what, but we don't like seeing bones. She has been eating. Well, until this morning. I want to see her eat. This bothers me.

The ice storm brings another puppy into my life

When my brother and I had only had Sammie for a short while - maybe 2-3 months, another special dog came along. He had been abandoned outside in an ice storm to wander dirty, hungry and lonely around town. My brother, a neighbor friend and I rescued him, cleaned him up, fed him and delivered him to my mother's door so as not to have Sammie feel her new spot was in any jeopardy. That special dog is named Max. He has been a well-loved member of Mom's household and our family ever since. He, too, is aging now.

The positive influence Max and Sammie have had on our family cannot be overstated. When my grandmother got to a point in her age and health that she needed to live with my mother, Max became her loyal companion as well. Both of these rescued dogs have known when we needed comforting and companionship and have been there for us.

Sammie as a puppy

When Sammie came into my life 14 years ago, she was a cute puppy who very cleverly overcame multiple obstacles my brother and I set up to try and keep her in our kitchen at night. She chewed up the bottom of the kitchen cabinets in our rented townhouse and attempted to escape through the actual wall under a window one day. That's the day my brother called me at work to tell me we were "taking her back." Of course, we didn't do that.

Sammie the puppy was full of energy. We ran her between us in a field behind our home to wear her out. We also ran her up and down the stairs in the townhouse until she could barely do it she was so tired. That's how we got her to slow down to sleep at night. One of the cutest things she did was to take a plush toy in her mouth and carefully place it at the top of the stair railing and release it so it would slide down and eventually flop onto the floor at the bottom. We thought it was a fluke at first until she repeated it over and over again.

Sammie got Christmas presents which she dutifully unwrapped herself. She went on walks. At night she howled like a beagle. As she got older, her body started looking more like that of a greyhound or whippet and we learned she could run really fast. She loved chasing birds & following her nose. Pretty soon we couldn't run her freely between us in the field because she just kept on running... We decided she was not part German Shepherd, though the beagle ancestry seemed accurate. No doubt she was hound dog, but who knows of what breeds.

So what now?

When I found out Sammie had cancer, or as the vet tech put it: "The biopsy results were not what we'd hoped. They were about as bad as we could imagine," I knew immediately that I would not be dragging Sammie to a veterinary oncologist or putting her through countless scans, bloodwork, procedures, chemotherapy, radiation, drugs. I love her dearly and, at age 14, I would never put her through all of that even if it were financially feasible to do, which it is not. She is an important member of my family, but she is not human. She has lived a good life and has been well-loved and well-cared for by me for most of her 14 years.

I find it ironic actually that we seem to be more humane in the treatment of our non-human companions than we are in the treatment of other humans sometimes. By that I simply mean that it is normal and acceptable to think first of the quality of life of our pets in these situations whereas sometimes we forget quality and focus merely on sustaining the lives (with or without any quality left) of humans, even if they are well into their 90s, having lived good, fulfilling lives and are no longer able to enjoy their families, friends, churches, community.

Medical science and veterinary science have come so very far in improving all of our lives and that is indeed fabulous. But sometimes we lose ourselves in the sheer amazement of how we can extend life while forgetting to consider the ethics and practicality of whether or not we should.

So, that decision was easy. It had been made years ago when I adopted Sammie as a puppy from the pound. She was about three months old at the time and had been ditched at least twice at pounds that we knew of. She was skittish, covered in ticks and fleas, with mange and a discharge. And worms. Lots of worms. We learned soon enough that she had been abused in her short life before my brother and I brought her home to the townhouse we then shared. The pound folks waived the adoption fee, asking instead that we spend that money on her at the vet's office, which we did. Their best guess was that Sammie was part beagle and part German shepherd. 100% marvelous mutt - that much was for sure.

Our household

Blogging is new to me. This is my first one ever & truthfully I'm not even sure how to do this, but I'll try. I figured it might be therapeutic for me & maybe for others in a similar situation.

My first dog, Samantha (Sammie, Sam) is 14 now. That's pretty old for a dog. Sammie & I have been through a lot together - I'll get to that later. Last November I had a really good, long cry about Sammie because a mass removed from her leg turned out to be densely populated with cancer & the vet couldn't tell me if she had weeks or months to live. I have a lot of other important people in my household these days, but Sammie preceded them all.

My husband came on board as "JUST a friend" 11 years ago when I relocated (with Sammie) to Texas for a job. Our second "dogter" joined the family 10 years ago after Sammie chose her from the rescue organization. Our wonderful daughter arrived in 2005. So there are five of us - at least for now.